Don’t stay at:

* Any hotel that is advertised with a magnet on a van

* Has “VIP”, “Executive” or “Luxury” in the name.

* Boasts “internet” or “cable tv”.

* In Honolulu, is billed as “close to the beach”.

* Poolside rooms at a Holiday Inn on weekends in the winter in Minnesota, Iowa, Wisconsin or The Dakotas.

* Has “#2” in the title, as in The Ramada Airport #2. It’s just too metaphorical.

* Markets “truck parking” as a key feature of the property.

* “Historic” often translates to “on it’s last legs”.

* Has a vinyl banner over the marquee with the newest name of the hotel.

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